Passion

Passion - Lisa Valdez This book made me wonder if I read the same book that the 5-star reviewers did.What dreck!I am by no means squeamish. I lurve the trashy erotic romance, I do, and the hotter the better. Unfortunately, Passion wasn't hot, it was merely profane. I have never read sex scenes that have left me quite so cold.The plot, when we're treated to it, is fairly tight and satisfying. Valdez does create a sticky situation for the hero, forcing him to choose between his beloved brother and the woman he's grown to love. Passion - and I'm sorry, but that name is just straight-up retarded ridiculous - is also in a bind, as Mark is engaged to her cousin, who she's quite fond of. Valdez certainly did put both her and heroine in a tough spot, pitting them against family they loved.Unfortunately, the sexxoring takes up 50-60%+ of the novel, and it is DREADFUL. It's laugh-out-loud ridiculous at times with gems like, "I think my cock is in love with you." I'm sorry, if a man said that to me, I'd laugh in his face and tell him to put his pants back on. The dialog was heavily anachronistic and profane to the point of absurdity. I'm a friggin' working-class hockey fan and I don't drop the F-bomb half as much as these two do, yet I'm supposed to believe this is how an earl and a gentlewoman spoke 150+ years ago?Laughable dialog aside, there was the overly clinical sex. Valdez got her money's worth out of the word cervix, seeing as how it appeared multiple times in every sex scene. Sorry honey, cervix is not a sexy word, especially so when you're making a big deal about this guy's giant schlong banging against it. That sounds painful. I've never winced so much at sex; I was holding a bag of frozen peas to my cooter in sympathy pains.There was a total lack of sexual tension, since they were banging non-stop, and the romance plot was so relegated to the background that the scant emotional conflict simply could not save this train-wreck. Really, if you're going to write an erotic romance, shouldn't the sex be erotic?