The Elevator Mechanic

The Elevator Mechanic  - Serena Yates Generally when I review a book, I start off with a two paragraph blurb. I'd focus on one character per paragraph, touching on what makes them tick while giving an idea of the plot. For this book, however, I'm finding it impossible to stick to my usual style.First off, there's little to no characterization to speak of. Little sets the two characters, Joe Taylor and Bill Evans, apart. Ms. Yates all but forgot to give them personalities and backgrounds. They're cardboard cutouts lamely occupying plot roles. Bill's the alpha male and Joe's the heroine.Secondly, there's not much of a plot going on. I'd say it's formulaic, which it is, but that's only the half of it. It's also absurdly shallow. It's written at the level of an elementary chapter book. Joe and Bill lock eyes, Joe and Bill bump into each other at a club, Joe and Bill have sex, Joe and Bill fall in love, the end. There's no sexual tension, ambiguity, character arc, conflict, tension arc, etc. Finally, the book is just juvenile. The writing is execrable. Gems include:"He leaned forward and breathed in the scent of soap and musk that rose from Joe's hairy balls.""With their bodies touching groin to chest, kissing became a whole new experience.""Their hips started moving automatically, his erection seeking Bill's and finding it with unerring accuracy.""Forget fortune cookies for dessert. He was going to go for another round of Joe's sweet cream."Between the awkward, pervy moments to the bits of anatomical implausibility, the book was on par with fanfic. And not just fanfic, bad fanfic. I've read free wankfic on Literotica that contained more realistic dialog, richer characterization and sex scenes that were erotic rather than unintentionally hilarious.There is nothing about this book to recommend it. It takes the concept of "poorly written" to startling new heights. Avoid at all costs, unless you're in the mood for a trainwreck read.